At the right time

The past couple weeks have been stressful for me as a mom.  There are several things my sons are going through in relation to school, that I am trying to help them with by getting accommodations in place in the classroom.  My ultimate goal is to get a 504 plan in place, so that legally the teachers must follow the accommodations in the plan.  If anyone has ever gone through this, you know that it seems and feels like a huge mountain of tasks that all must take place in order to get this accomplished.  I have struggled for a couple years whether to even push forward with this request, because I've heard how much of a nightmare it can be to get it in place.  However, we have come to the point where I feel that I must fight for my kids in order to offer them the best chance at success.  And I feel that God is leading me and telling me the time is now.  Given that thought though, now that I've decided to move forward with the request, it feels as though there is a rush for everything to be done RIGHT NOW.  It's hard to prioritize, because everything seems that it needs to happen all at the same time, it is all important.  I stayed up until the early hours of the morning one night this past week, just worried, stressed, and planned out all that I thought I needed to do to get everything going and in place.  I have gotten the ball rolling with one of my son's schools, but now I must go and get a statement from their doctor.  The specialist doctor they see may or may not relate their condition to needing accommodations at school.  If that is the case, then we must wait for a referral to another specialist.  It is all very hard to determine, and could take a long time . . . And again I feel that there is a rush, because in my mind I want this completed soon and definitely before the end of the school year.  But I am going to try not to worry this next week, and trust God that at the right time he will make things happen as they are supposed to happen, and direct me in each step.

1 Peter 5:6-7
"So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.  Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."

Sometimes, I only focus on verse 7 about giving my worries to God.  But I must not forget verse 6 . . . He will lift me up in honor at the right time, and I must humble myself under His mighty power.

That is my focus as I head into a new week, filled with more to do lists.  I am humbling myself under His power, His MIGHTY POWER, and waiting for Him to lift me up AT THE RIGHT TIME.  The timing is not up to me.  No matter how rushed I try to get things done, I can't control the timing of how everything is going to work out and when or if it even will.  But I can trust God, because He cares about me.

Is there something that you're worried about today?  Remember to give your worry to the Lord, but also to trust that at the right time, He will lift you up.  The timing is in His Mighty Power.

Craving Simplification

For the past several weeks, when I feel overwhelmed and like there's too much to get done, which is very often . . . the same word keeps coming to my mind - Simplify.  I want to simplify my life in every way.  But how do you even find the time to do it?  There are so many things I feel behind on, this blog being one of them.  What should be a joy to me to record my family's happenings, becomes a burden that is added to another long list of things I can't seem to get to.  I was so motivated over the summer to stick with my nutrition and health, and still am doing fairly well, but as I knew would happen, I can't keep up with blogging about it or keep up with it to the intensity I was able to in the summer.  And that's just life.  That's the stage I'm in with young children.  And being a Mom.  And working outside the home.  And the list goes on.  But what do I do about it?  I feel like I'm trying to keep up with these expectations, mostly that I've put on myself to keep doing.  I've got to keep up with this blog, and my yearly family website where we send out a Christmas greeting each year with our family letter, and keep it updated with all the pictures from all the events we've done throughout the year.  But who really looks at that anyway?  Yes, I myself like going to it and looking back over the years and seeing what we did, and how young the kids were, and how everyone has grown.  I imagine one day my kids will look at it and find joy.  But who really knows if they will?  Am I wasting time posting pictures and updates that I could be spending and enjoying with them in the flesh in the next room?  This is my current dilemma.  I am craving simplification.  But all these other things I want to do, they are part of what makes me me.  I love pictures, I love photography.  Another thing I currently feel I don't have time for.  I've invested over the past couple years in building my photography equipment and learning skills, in the hopes that I could make a decent side income doing something that I love to do, take pictures.  But right now, it too feels like a burden that I don't have the time or money to put into it.  Maybe this is just a season.  Maybe in another day or two I'll feel completely different.  But for now, this is what it is.  I've got to find a way to simplify my life.  I know that my #1 purpose right now in my life is to be a mom to Ethan, Caleb, & Alaina.  I wish I could do it full time.  But I can't.  I am thankful I only have to work part time for things to work for our family.  I realize that is also a blessing, and many people are a part of making that a reality for our family.  I'm not ungrateful.  But because I have limited time with them, and the years are short, I don't want to waste my energy on keeping up pictures or keeping up recollecting all that we've been doing on a blog.  But yet, I love to write.  It is also a part of what makes me who I am.  I don't want to give up me, because keeping the things I love to do in my life, makes me a better wife and mom.  So, this is me "thinking it out" through writing.  I'm seeking out what my next step should (or shouldn't be) in regards to all I've said.  I'm definitely craving simplification, but I don't know what that will ultimately look like for me.  And maybe that's ok.  I'm seeking God's help to help me work out what that means for me.  Until then, there may be a long haitus on this blog and our family website too.  Thanks for your patience with me as I try to figure this out.

When I am tempted to complain . . .

When I am tempted to complain about how hard it is to come back after a week long vacation (how ironic is that?!), I am reminded:

"Do everything without complaining or arguing. Then you will be innocent and without any wrong." Philippians 2:14-15. 

We just got back yesterday from a week long vacation to the Outer Banks of NC with 24 people in my family.  We had done something similar 2 years ago, and decided to do it again.  This time I thought was even better than before.  We stayed in a nicer house, my kids were older so I could enjoy myself a little more, and it was really just a wonderful time!  But you know how vacations go, you spend time the week before vacation working yourself crazy to prepare to go (at both my out of the home job and in home wife and mom things), then you get back and have a week's worth of things to catch up on (at both my out of the home job and in home job as wife and mom.)  It's exhausting and I've only been trying to get back to the swing of things for 1 day! Plus when we left for our vacation we were in school schedule mode, and now school is out so summer mode is upon us immediately!  I'm not ready, not prepared!  I tried to get a new family summer schedule/routine/system set up tonight for my family and everyone cried and had break downs when I tried to explain it to them.  Probably not the best time for me to explain it to them when we're all still tired emotionally and physically from our 10 hour drive back home.  I feel behind in everything . . . our finances, my calendar of summer events for the kids, work tasks and responsibilities, home tasks and responsibilities, EVERYTHING!  So, you see my temptation to complain?  

But then I read that verse in my devotional book sitting on my night stand.  Oh how God can get our attention right at the right time, huh?  So, I am choosing to focus my thoughts on my blessings, my gifts, and my opportunities instead.  Thank you, Lord, for this reminder!  And please help me to take ONE THING at a time to catch back up at work and home, and to depend on you each step at a time.  

Has something or someone stolen your joy?

Has something or someone stolen your joy?  If you're like me, you can answer yes to this question right now, or have been able to answer yes at some time in your life.  I don't have long to blog, because it is 1 am and I have to be up early, but this was on my mind . . . for the past month to six weeks I have let something steal my joy.  So much so that I've wasted countless nights not sleeping, and thought about it all day, it has consumed me.

John 10:10
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

I decided I'm not going to let Satan steal my joy any longer through this situation I've been dealing with.  I have chosen today, with God's help, not to let Satan steal my joy.  Any time I start to worry, think, dwell, or even give a second thought to this situation, I am going to remember that Jesus came to give me a full life, not one filled with worry.  I have done all I can do in the situation, behaved in what I truly feel was the manner becoming of a Christian, and that's all I can do.

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."

And so with these words, I will take heart!  I will have peace in Jesus.  Thank you Lord for telling me these things, and allowing me to finally lift this weight from my shoulders.  I trust in You and Your Holy Word, the Bible.  Thank you for your encouragement to me in it today.

I'm Tired . . . Anyone else?

I'm really tired . . . not necessarily physically tired, although that too, but mentally tired.  We've gotten through Christmas time around here, New Year's, and now it's back to regular routines, school schedules, starting basketball practice for the boys, planning birthday parties for my oldest and youngest children, celebrating my husband's birthday, and on and on an on.  Oh, and that's just my job as mom.  My job as an accounting assistant warrants even more busyness . . . end of year closings of records, quarterly tax filing, end of year tax filing, closing out everything from one year and starting books and charts for the next year.  When do I have a chance to recover from one thing to get ready for the next?  It feels like never.  I know part of my dreary outlook is because I haven't been exercising regularly.  I always feel better when I take the time to stay physically fit.  But when do I have time or energy for that?  We don't even have our Christmas tree, ornaments, or all the decorations put away yet!  Too tired.  Too busy.  They may be up until February, maybe March at this rate.  I hope I can start to cling to these promises below.

"God is our refuge and strength.  A very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear.  Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling." - Psalm 46:1-3 NKJV

God, please be my refuge and strength during this time.  Please allow me to let You be my very present help.

The phone call

Today I got the phone call no parent wants to get . . . from my son's teacher . . . then another from the assistant principal.  Apparently my son did something during reading time that is against the rules, thinking he was being funny, but it was not.  I believe it was harmless and just a 6 year old boy being a boy, however two other boys saw him do it, so the school must react with a punishment.  I understand the school has to cover their bases, but it is just so hard.  This particular son has been struggling with a few anger issues anyway, and maybe this is why this happened, I don't know.  But the punishment for him will be that tomorrow he has to spend the whole day in the office with the assistant principal doing his work.  My heart breaks for him.  He already struggles with feeling anxious about going to school on a good day, so this will be even harder.  I cried almost all afternoon.  No parent wants their child to be the one who got in trouble at school, let alone has to spend a day in the principal's office.  And this is a child who is never a behavior problem at school.  Part of me thinks that all day in the office is a little too much, but I know they have to make their point.  I am trying to be supportive.  So, tonight we told our son right before bedtime what his consequence for breaking the rule at school would be, and of course he is upset about it.  He said he never wanted to go to school again.  But we tried to encourage him that we knew he could be strong and face the consequence of his bad choice tomorrow, and depend on Jesus to help him through when he feels scared or overwhelmed.  I shared with him the verse that had encouraged me today, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7  It seemed that he was receptive to what we said, and actually said a prayer tonight himself asking God to forgive him, and asking God to help him face his consequence tomorrow.  Learning lessons in our lives through mistakes are so hard, but seeing your children learn lessons in their lives through mistakes seems even harder.  You want so much for them not to have to go through the hurt.  Earlier when I just felt so hopeless and helpless, this verse encouraged me too.  "My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word." - Psalm 119:28  I was encouraged with God's word.  The whole chapter 119 of Psalms is very good.  Read it if you have not!  My prayer is that C would learn through the time of his punishment at school tomorrow.  My prayer for myself is that I wouldn't be so discouraged from this that I lose hope in him.  I know he is just a child, but as a parent I often find myself looking too far into the future and worrying that if he is in trouble now for this, what will he be like when he's older?  I can't think like that though.  I must believe in him and I do.  I do believe that God has a plan for his life.  "For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11  Praying that God will help my boy be strong tomorrow, and help his Mommy to not worry about him.  Part of letting go and teaching your children to depend on God to help them too, when they make mistakes.

Sensory Processing Disorder is part of my story

It's been a while since I've been actively studying SPD and how it affects C (my spirited son), specifically.  The developmental pediatricians we saw, diagnosed C with Clinical Anxiety Disorder.  And even though they didn't specifically diagnose him with SPD, the first book she recommended for me to read was "The Out of Sync Child," by Carol Kranowitz (a book all about Sensory Processing Disorder).  I had already read it.  That's why at the time of our appointments, the doctor was so impressed with how much I already knew and how many suggestions that she gave to help him in the situations he often melts down in ,we were already doing.  But despite all the "sensory diet" activities we were trying to fit into our daily routines, we were still having issues that didn't seem to be getting any easier or better, without a TON of work on our parts.  We opted to try anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication, and truthfully it has helped.  It's helped C to feel better about himself, have more self confidence, be more outgoing in public situations and with people he doesn't know very well (interacting with his new teacher for instance by talking and carrying on conversations . . . this he wouldn't have done before until after months of getting comfortable with her).  The medication has also helped C to think more clearly and logically . . . that is once he is calmed down.  And it has helped so that he calms down quicker when he does go into a "fight or flight" reaction when he is in sensory overload.  It doesn't, however, completely eliminate the situations in which he can easily go into meltdown reaction.  Also, we had increased his dosage because we saw some more of the panicking and anxiety reactions occurring more often again, and we and the doctors thought perhaps he needed a higher dose of the medication to help regulate him.  However, when we went up from half a pill to a whole pill, he started going to the opposite end of the spectrum and being hyper, impulsive, couldn't sit still, etc.  Over the course of the past several weeks we have decreased his dosage back down to half a pill, and it has helped some with the increased hyperactivity. 

 But the changes in all of this comes at a hard time anyway . . . the start back of school.  New situations, new changes in routine, new people, new environments . . . these are the things that C can have trouble with.  And what I've recently learned in another book I've been reading about SPD, is that C's sensory signal he seems to have the most issues with is called, "Self Regulation" and also "Proprioception."   In this book I've been reading, "Understanding Your Child's Sensory Signals" by Angie Voss (Kindle edition 5.99), it kind of reads like a helpful handbook . . . when your child is having trouble with _____, then this is the sensory signal they're having trouble with, and here are some things you can do to help them during this time.  Today, after a meltdown at homework time about E (social son) finishing his reading before him and getting to go play with a friend before him, he was in his "fight" stage of crying and being so focused on the fact that he wouldn't get to play at the same time, that he couldn't reason that all he had to do was finish his reading and get focused on getting it done and then he would be able to play too.  He couldn't get to that second logical thought though, so I took him in the bedroom, made him jump on the trampoline 30 times (all the while him crying, but slowed down as he jumped).  I couldn't talk or reason with him during this time.  The only thing I could say was that he needed to jump so that he would calm down, and that jumping would help him to calm down.  I then tried creating a "Pillow Cave" for him, a suggestion from the same book.  

     -Pillow Cave - helped him go under my comforter and sheets and piled pillows up on top of him and around him, and told him he was in the "Pillow Mountain" to calm down.  I told him he didn't need to think about anything else or talk about anything else right now.  We would talk about it (whatever consequences or actions are needed) after he has calmed down.  Once he has calmed down, you can usually then talk to him about his behavior and ask him questions about how he reacted and behaved, was that good behavior or bad behavior, what the consequence will be for the bad behavior, and what the plan is now to move on from this.

The Pillow Cave actually helped him to calm down a lot.  And I was able to then logically talk him through the situation, talk about what his consequence was for not following directions and reading when he was supposed to (the consequences and responsibilities still get done, not excused), and then we came up with a plan together on how to move on from here.  

It's a lot of extra time and work for me, in that during a meltdown of what appears to be him misbehaving, or disobeying (and sometimes he is with his actions), instead of focusing right then on the behavior and the meltdown, I have to focus on the fact that he is in sensory overload at this moment and my focus has to be to get him to calm down.  Then, I can talk to him.  It takes a lot of extra time and patience that I don't always think I have the time, strength, or energy to deal with.  I find myself thinking, "Why can't he be just like a "normal" child that when I say he has to do his reading before he can go play with a friend, he may whine or complain a little, but then accepts in and gets the task done . . . instead of turning it into a huge meltdown?"  I found myself forgetting on the first day of homework that the calming down part needed to be my focus, and so I lost it.  I yelled at him, I took him to time out in his room (another thing that makes things worse for him and increases the severity of the meltdown), . . . I had a bad "Mom moment" for sure!  I think I was partly hoping that with the success we had seen with his medication at the end of the school year last year and over the summer, that perhaps I wouldn't have to make these "sensory diet activities" a part of our regular routine.  Who has time to do all these things anyway, with 2 other children, working part time, and trying to maintain a household I thought?  

But I've done some soul searching and praying in the last few days and realized that just because he takes medication, it doesn't erase the issue he has with SPD. There are no medications for SPD, only accommodation and understanding.   I am still going to have to make these accommodations, and stay on top of providing these sensory outlets for him so that the meltdowns WILL BE FEWER and so that he can continue learning things that help calm him down.  One day, I pray he will be able to Self Regulate himself, but so far, only 7 months or so into really learning about this and how it affects him, and him only being 6 years old (almost), I can't expect him to be able to do that.  My understanding and patience has to remain and be accepting of the issues he struggles with.  It is so hard to not think in my mind that he is acting and behaving this way on purpose, just to make my life hard, or just to call attention to himself . . . but when he is in a calm state, I hear the true feelings and thoughts of his heart, and he doesn't want to react and act the way that he does.  He doesn't want to feel out of control, overwhelmed, and acting badly.  

So, it is with a new understanding (again) that I will try to face my routine each day with him . . . especially homework time.  The hard thing is that the issues he struggles with for SPD don't affect him at school (well they do, but silently).  He is not a discipline problem at school.  It's like he flips a switch and retreats into a shell at school, being quiet, following all the rules, etc.  So, why then do the meltdowns just occur at home?  The developmental pediatrician says it is because that is where he feels the most comfortable, able to be himself, able to let out all the feelings he's stuffed in all day during the day at school, and then he lets them out in inappropriate ways at home.  

So, some things we have found that help C specifically are below. (See more ideas on pg. 32 of attached PDF book - "Your Essential Guide to Understanding Sensory Processing Disorder" by Angie Voss) It's kind of like we have to make him do a circuit workout of exercises to keep his brain in balance.  And that's hard to remember to do.  But I am going to try to be committed to doing these again on a regular basis, so that his nervous system and neurological system will be more balanced.  

     -Jumping up and down or on a trampoline at least 30 times

     -Doing push ups (on ground, or on wall)

     -Hanging from monkey bars (with adult assisting so he doesn't fall)

     -standing on his head (helping him to have his head inverted/upside down)

     -Putting books in a backback and having him walk around with it through an obstacle course or up and down stairs (heavy work/lifting work)

     -Using an exercise stretch band to put around his feet while sitting in the pike position with his legs out in front of him and pulling back and forth with his hands/arms

     -Crab walks (heavy muscle movement)

Some other great resources and books I'd recommend on understanding Sensory Processing Disorder are below.

http://www.understandingspd.com/sensory-definitions.html

"Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Handbook for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues" by Lindsey Biel and Nancy Peske

"The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz

If we do our best to understand why C acts the way he does sometimes, and do our best to provide these sensory exercises and outlets, hopefully we will begin to see more improvement and less meltdowns and out of control behavior.  It takes a lot in changing the way that we think about things, about traditional discipline methods, about shifting or stopping an activity that is not working or one in which C is not handling well, and being willing to try making a "Pillow Mountain" with him, or suggesting he do 30 jumping jacks at a time that seems inopportune.  But that's what we have to do sometimes . . . and I've found that when I take the time to do these things, it really does help.

It is still such a hard thing to deal with as a parent, but one of my friends encouraged me recently that perhaps I would be able to one day encourage another parent going through this with their child, and offer suggestions or ways to help them from what I am learning now.  This is a part of my story as "Mom to C" and I have to accept my role in this.  I am continuing to pray for God's strength each day to learn more about SPD, and ways in which I can help my son.