5 years and 10 months later

How in the world has it been 5 years and 10 months since I wrote on this blog? There's obviously no way I'm going to catch up in one post what has happened over the past 5 years. But here we are in November of 2020. My life and this world has changed tremendously.

Our daughter is now 9 years old and she was just diagnosed on Friday with Covid.  It seems surreal.  Out of everyone in our family she sees the least amount of people and does the least amount of activities - she only really does school and home right now.  It came on suddenly at school - mild symptoms of headache, nausea, fever, and sore throat.  Because of all the symptoms, the nurse said she had to quarantine for 10 days or provide a negative covid test to come back sooner.  My husband and I decided to get her tested just to rule it out.  I fully expected a negative result.  But the doctor came back in almost immediately and said it was positive.  I was in shock.  Still am.  But it appears that she only has a very mild case.  She already seems almost completely back to normal today, only 2 days later.  Now the rest of the family is in quarantine.  It is weird and hard.  Our oldest at 16 now had his last soccer tournament of the season and really was upset he didn't get to play in it.  Our middle at 14 is very anxious and cautious and wearing a mask in the house.  What a strange world we live in.  My husband is getting things set up to work from home.  This is now my second quarantine from my job as a kindergarten assistant.  I had only been back to school about 10 school days since the last time I had to quarantine.  I have enough sick days I think for this time . . . but what if it happens again this year?  Then I won't.  It feels like no one is talking about it.  Everyone wants to not be the ones who get it.  And if you do, then you kind of feel like your family has somehow done something wrong.  But we haven't.  Here in SC we were made to all go back to real life and school started in August.  We have taken all the precautions of wearing masks every time we're out in public, lots of handwashing, had sanitizing, not going to large gatherings.  And yet the least likely person in our family is now positive.  I can't share about this yet on social media . . . why, I'm not sure.  Somehow it feels like I am supposed to keep it hush, hush . . . even though no one has said to.  So, for now I'm writing out my feelings here.  Not sure if I will share this eventually or not.  

Trying to Depend on Him through all of this.  There is tons more to share and tons more of hard things because of this, but this is all I have time for now.  

He Took a Deep Breath . . . and I Must Too

This weekend I received in the mail the paperwork from the specialist doctor's office to fill out for each of my boys in order to just be able to schedule an appointment there.  13 pages to fill out for each child.  5 pages to ask each of their teachers to fill out.  Request to ask the school for records.  Can you say completely OVERWHELMED???!!!  So, I decided yesterday I would start working on the packets today.  Well today has come, and I feel so paralyzed.  So many things racing through my mind that it's made it difficult to start.  I decided to get on here and write some of my thoughts out to help myself process everything, and maybe give me the clear mind I need to start working on this paperwork.

So, I mentioned in my last post that I am hoping to get a 504 plan in place for each of my boys, in 3rd grade and 5th grade, to allow accommodations in the classroom.  But I didn't mention exactly what we were trying to get accomplished.  Just thought I'd give a little background, so that anyone who may be reading this would perhaps be able to lift us up in specific prayer if they think of us?  Basically, both of my boys have horrible handwriting.  I know this can be a common thing for many boys who just want to rush through everything and not take their time.  But for years we have worked on handwriting, and even with taking their time, they seemed to have trouble forming letters correctly, sitting them on the line, and sometimes even getting their thoughts from their mind down onto the paper.  It always has seemed like more than just bad handwriting to me, but I didn't know what to do.  After speaking with a friend who is an Occupational Therapist, and trying to get them evaluated through the school, basically because of their grades and test scores still being good right now, they didn't qualify to be tested in the school.  But my friend encouraged me to possibly get them evaluated by a private OT.  Both boy also have amblyopia, in which their brain only uses their one good eye to see, unless forced by a patch or eye blurring drops to use the bad eye too.  My friend possibly believed that the combination of this visual diagnosis along with possibly some fine motor skill difficulty could together be contributing to their difficulty in writing.  After praying about it for a few more weeks, my husband and I decided to in fact get them both evaluated by a private OT.  Straight out of pocket costs for us because of our high deductible, and it isn't cheap, but we felt like we needed to try our best to make whatever sacrifice necessary to get to the bottom of this issue and find out if it was in fact just "bad handwriting" or something more.  After the OT's evaluations, she found that both boys have very poor fine motor skills in their hand muscles.  Our oldest tested at age 8, and is actually almost 11.  Our middle son tested at age 6 and is 8.  So a 3 year and 2 year lag behind their real age for each.  The OT also believed that the combination of their amblyopia and poor fine motor control may together contribute to their difficulty as well.  We agreed to have the OT see both boys for 5 appointments each.  That is all we can afford at this time, and even these we are trying to figure out how to financially cover completely.  The OT has allowed me to sit in on each appointment so that I could learn the exercises she suggests for them to strengthen their hand muscles with the idea that we could continue at home ourselves after the appointments conclude.  So, both boys have been making good strides while at the appointments, however, it seems that as they almost come to a conclusion, much of what they learn and work on in the appointments, is not transferring over to their work while at school and home trying to apply what they've learned to their actual school assignments.  The OT and I both believe that there is possibly also a written language expression disability going on, called dysgraphia.  However, the OT cannot diagnose, so we must be referred to a developmental pediatrician in order to gain a specific diagnosis.  Thus comes in the 13 pages of paperwork for each that I must now complete . . . 

Here is a link explaining dysgraphia very simply as well as a link to some suggested accommodations that could easily be implemented in the classroom, of which we hope to get some in place on their 504 plans:

Explains Dysgraphia:

http://www.brainhe.com/staff/types/dysgraphiastaff.html

Offers many good and simple suggestions for accommodations:

 http://www.ldonline.org/article/6202

So, here is where we are now in the process.  Going through this with both boys, at 2 different schools, is very overwhelming and it seems that I have to get everything done right away.  There is a bit of a time crunch factor, because the paperwork must all be turned in before an appointment can even be scheduled, and there is sometimes a 4-6 month wait for an appointment.  We are praying that will not be the case, as we hope to get this accomplished before the end of the school year.  But that is my hope and my timing.  

I must "take a deep breath" and trust God's timing of how He wants things to work out.  If we don't get in before the end of the year, then we don't.  And we will be okay.  Both boys are still making A's and B's on their report cards, although lately some very low test grades are starting to show themselves, many times when essay questions are part of tests.  So, I know as my oldest moves into middle school next year, there will be even more writing required.  Our oldest usually has the answers in his head, and when asked verbally, can tell you a whole paragraph long answer.  But he can't get it written out onto the paper in the allotted time given for the answers on the tests.  Verbal vs Written answers for some things is one accommodation we hope for.  We want to get these in place before there is an even greater problem.

This morning in church, the Pastor preached from Nehemiah and the power of Godly leadership.  You know those times you feel that the message was speaking directly to you?  It was one of those times this morning for me.  Just as God called Nehemiah to be a leader and to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, I feel He is calling me right now as their Mother to be a leader to fight for my boys' educational needs in order to allow them the best chance of success.  Do I feel like my calling is any less important than Nehemiah's?  It seems smaller, but it is not less important.  God calls each of us to be leaders in different ways at different times in our lives, no matter how small the request may seem, it is always important if He calls you.  The entire sermon spoke to me, but the thing that stood out the most to me was that our Pastor said that Nehemiah "took a deep breath."  

Nehemiah 2:11 says, "So I arrived in Jerusalem.  Three days later,"

After Nehemiah arrived, he was there for 3 days.  Before he did the next step, he was there for 3 days.  He just took a deep breath.  Wow, how refreshing to know that Nehemiah needed some time too in order to process what God had called him to do!  And before he moved onto the next steps, he just took a deep breath!

With all this paperwork before me, I obviously just needed to take a deep breath too.   Writing, whether on this blog or in a journal always is one way I use to reflect and figure out things.  What are you trying to work out in your life today?  Do all the steps before you seem overwhelming?  Has God called you to something that you don't know how you're going to do or how it will all work out?  I encourage you to also take a deep breath.  Wait on God's timing.  Rest it all on the Lord. (2 more points our pastor spoke of today.)

Nehemiah 2:18 - "Then I told them about how the gracious hand of God had been on me,. . . " 

The gracious hand of God is on me, and it is on you too!  How comforting it is that we can rest it all on the Lord.  Please continue to pray for us, if we come to your mind, and that as we go step by step in this overwhelming process that I will rest it all on the Lord.  

And please allow me to pray for you too.  If you are someone I know reading this, or even someone I don't know, won't you please allow me to lift you up to the Lord too?  Feel free to comment or email me (jillbrisken@gmail.com) privately and let me know how I can pray for you.  We are all in this Christian journey together!  Remember to take a deep breath this week as you face whatever God has called you to do in your life.

At the right time

The past couple weeks have been stressful for me as a mom.  There are several things my sons are going through in relation to school, that I am trying to help them with by getting accommodations in place in the classroom.  My ultimate goal is to get a 504 plan in place, so that legally the teachers must follow the accommodations in the plan.  If anyone has ever gone through this, you know that it seems and feels like a huge mountain of tasks that all must take place in order to get this accomplished.  I have struggled for a couple years whether to even push forward with this request, because I've heard how much of a nightmare it can be to get it in place.  However, we have come to the point where I feel that I must fight for my kids in order to offer them the best chance at success.  And I feel that God is leading me and telling me the time is now.  Given that thought though, now that I've decided to move forward with the request, it feels as though there is a rush for everything to be done RIGHT NOW.  It's hard to prioritize, because everything seems that it needs to happen all at the same time, it is all important.  I stayed up until the early hours of the morning one night this past week, just worried, stressed, and planned out all that I thought I needed to do to get everything going and in place.  I have gotten the ball rolling with one of my son's schools, but now I must go and get a statement from their doctor.  The specialist doctor they see may or may not relate their condition to needing accommodations at school.  If that is the case, then we must wait for a referral to another specialist.  It is all very hard to determine, and could take a long time . . . And again I feel that there is a rush, because in my mind I want this completed soon and definitely before the end of the school year.  But I am going to try not to worry this next week, and trust God that at the right time he will make things happen as they are supposed to happen, and direct me in each step.

1 Peter 5:6-7
"So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.  Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."

Sometimes, I only focus on verse 7 about giving my worries to God.  But I must not forget verse 6 . . . He will lift me up in honor at the right time, and I must humble myself under His mighty power.

That is my focus as I head into a new week, filled with more to do lists.  I am humbling myself under His power, His MIGHTY POWER, and waiting for Him to lift me up AT THE RIGHT TIME.  The timing is not up to me.  No matter how rushed I try to get things done, I can't control the timing of how everything is going to work out and when or if it even will.  But I can trust God, because He cares about me.

Is there something that you're worried about today?  Remember to give your worry to the Lord, but also to trust that at the right time, He will lift you up.  The timing is in His Mighty Power.

Craving Simplification

For the past several weeks, when I feel overwhelmed and like there's too much to get done, which is very often . . . the same word keeps coming to my mind - Simplify.  I want to simplify my life in every way.  But how do you even find the time to do it?  There are so many things I feel behind on, this blog being one of them.  What should be a joy to me to record my family's happenings, becomes a burden that is added to another long list of things I can't seem to get to.  I was so motivated over the summer to stick with my nutrition and health, and still am doing fairly well, but as I knew would happen, I can't keep up with blogging about it or keep up with it to the intensity I was able to in the summer.  And that's just life.  That's the stage I'm in with young children.  And being a Mom.  And working outside the home.  And the list goes on.  But what do I do about it?  I feel like I'm trying to keep up with these expectations, mostly that I've put on myself to keep doing.  I've got to keep up with this blog, and my yearly family website where we send out a Christmas greeting each year with our family letter, and keep it updated with all the pictures from all the events we've done throughout the year.  But who really looks at that anyway?  Yes, I myself like going to it and looking back over the years and seeing what we did, and how young the kids were, and how everyone has grown.  I imagine one day my kids will look at it and find joy.  But who really knows if they will?  Am I wasting time posting pictures and updates that I could be spending and enjoying with them in the flesh in the next room?  This is my current dilemma.  I am craving simplification.  But all these other things I want to do, they are part of what makes me me.  I love pictures, I love photography.  Another thing I currently feel I don't have time for.  I've invested over the past couple years in building my photography equipment and learning skills, in the hopes that I could make a decent side income doing something that I love to do, take pictures.  But right now, it too feels like a burden that I don't have the time or money to put into it.  Maybe this is just a season.  Maybe in another day or two I'll feel completely different.  But for now, this is what it is.  I've got to find a way to simplify my life.  I know that my #1 purpose right now in my life is to be a mom to Ethan, Caleb, & Alaina.  I wish I could do it full time.  But I can't.  I am thankful I only have to work part time for things to work for our family.  I realize that is also a blessing, and many people are a part of making that a reality for our family.  I'm not ungrateful.  But because I have limited time with them, and the years are short, I don't want to waste my energy on keeping up pictures or keeping up recollecting all that we've been doing on a blog.  But yet, I love to write.  It is also a part of what makes me who I am.  I don't want to give up me, because keeping the things I love to do in my life, makes me a better wife and mom.  So, this is me "thinking it out" through writing.  I'm seeking out what my next step should (or shouldn't be) in regards to all I've said.  I'm definitely craving simplification, but I don't know what that will ultimately look like for me.  And maybe that's ok.  I'm seeking God's help to help me work out what that means for me.  Until then, there may be a long haitus on this blog and our family website too.  Thanks for your patience with me as I try to figure this out.

When I am tempted to complain . . .

When I am tempted to complain about how hard it is to come back after a week long vacation (how ironic is that?!), I am reminded:

"Do everything without complaining or arguing. Then you will be innocent and without any wrong." Philippians 2:14-15. 

We just got back yesterday from a week long vacation to the Outer Banks of NC with 24 people in my family.  We had done something similar 2 years ago, and decided to do it again.  This time I thought was even better than before.  We stayed in a nicer house, my kids were older so I could enjoy myself a little more, and it was really just a wonderful time!  But you know how vacations go, you spend time the week before vacation working yourself crazy to prepare to go (at both my out of the home job and in home wife and mom things), then you get back and have a week's worth of things to catch up on (at both my out of the home job and in home job as wife and mom.)  It's exhausting and I've only been trying to get back to the swing of things for 1 day! Plus when we left for our vacation we were in school schedule mode, and now school is out so summer mode is upon us immediately!  I'm not ready, not prepared!  I tried to get a new family summer schedule/routine/system set up tonight for my family and everyone cried and had break downs when I tried to explain it to them.  Probably not the best time for me to explain it to them when we're all still tired emotionally and physically from our 10 hour drive back home.  I feel behind in everything . . . our finances, my calendar of summer events for the kids, work tasks and responsibilities, home tasks and responsibilities, EVERYTHING!  So, you see my temptation to complain?  

But then I read that verse in my devotional book sitting on my night stand.  Oh how God can get our attention right at the right time, huh?  So, I am choosing to focus my thoughts on my blessings, my gifts, and my opportunities instead.  Thank you, Lord, for this reminder!  And please help me to take ONE THING at a time to catch back up at work and home, and to depend on you each step at a time.  

Has something or someone stolen your joy?

Has something or someone stolen your joy?  If you're like me, you can answer yes to this question right now, or have been able to answer yes at some time in your life.  I don't have long to blog, because it is 1 am and I have to be up early, but this was on my mind . . . for the past month to six weeks I have let something steal my joy.  So much so that I've wasted countless nights not sleeping, and thought about it all day, it has consumed me.

John 10:10
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

I decided I'm not going to let Satan steal my joy any longer through this situation I've been dealing with.  I have chosen today, with God's help, not to let Satan steal my joy.  Any time I start to worry, think, dwell, or even give a second thought to this situation, I am going to remember that Jesus came to give me a full life, not one filled with worry.  I have done all I can do in the situation, behaved in what I truly feel was the manner becoming of a Christian, and that's all I can do.

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."

And so with these words, I will take heart!  I will have peace in Jesus.  Thank you Lord for telling me these things, and allowing me to finally lift this weight from my shoulders.  I trust in You and Your Holy Word, the Bible.  Thank you for your encouragement to me in it today.

I'm Tired . . . Anyone else?

I'm really tired . . . not necessarily physically tired, although that too, but mentally tired.  We've gotten through Christmas time around here, New Year's, and now it's back to regular routines, school schedules, starting basketball practice for the boys, planning birthday parties for my oldest and youngest children, celebrating my husband's birthday, and on and on an on.  Oh, and that's just my job as mom.  My job as an accounting assistant warrants even more busyness . . . end of year closings of records, quarterly tax filing, end of year tax filing, closing out everything from one year and starting books and charts for the next year.  When do I have a chance to recover from one thing to get ready for the next?  It feels like never.  I know part of my dreary outlook is because I haven't been exercising regularly.  I always feel better when I take the time to stay physically fit.  But when do I have time or energy for that?  We don't even have our Christmas tree, ornaments, or all the decorations put away yet!  Too tired.  Too busy.  They may be up until February, maybe March at this rate.  I hope I can start to cling to these promises below.

"God is our refuge and strength.  A very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear.  Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling." - Psalm 46:1-3 NKJV

God, please be my refuge and strength during this time.  Please allow me to let You be my very present help.