5 years and 10 months later

How in the world has it been 5 years and 10 months since I wrote on this blog? There's obviously no way I'm going to catch up in one post what has happened over the past 5 years. But here we are in November of 2020. My life and this world has changed tremendously.

Our daughter is now 9 years old and she was just diagnosed on Friday with Covid.  It seems surreal.  Out of everyone in our family she sees the least amount of people and does the least amount of activities - she only really does school and home right now.  It came on suddenly at school - mild symptoms of headache, nausea, fever, and sore throat.  Because of all the symptoms, the nurse said she had to quarantine for 10 days or provide a negative covid test to come back sooner.  My husband and I decided to get her tested just to rule it out.  I fully expected a negative result.  But the doctor came back in almost immediately and said it was positive.  I was in shock.  Still am.  But it appears that she only has a very mild case.  She already seems almost completely back to normal today, only 2 days later.  Now the rest of the family is in quarantine.  It is weird and hard.  Our oldest at 16 now had his last soccer tournament of the season and really was upset he didn't get to play in it.  Our middle at 14 is very anxious and cautious and wearing a mask in the house.  What a strange world we live in.  My husband is getting things set up to work from home.  This is now my second quarantine from my job as a kindergarten assistant.  I had only been back to school about 10 school days since the last time I had to quarantine.  I have enough sick days I think for this time . . . but what if it happens again this year?  Then I won't.  It feels like no one is talking about it.  Everyone wants to not be the ones who get it.  And if you do, then you kind of feel like your family has somehow done something wrong.  But we haven't.  Here in SC we were made to all go back to real life and school started in August.  We have taken all the precautions of wearing masks every time we're out in public, lots of handwashing, had sanitizing, not going to large gatherings.  And yet the least likely person in our family is now positive.  I can't share about this yet on social media . . . why, I'm not sure.  Somehow it feels like I am supposed to keep it hush, hush . . . even though no one has said to.  So, for now I'm writing out my feelings here.  Not sure if I will share this eventually or not.  

Trying to Depend on Him through all of this.  There is tons more to share and tons more of hard things because of this, but this is all I have time for now.  

He Took a Deep Breath . . . and I Must Too

This weekend I received in the mail the paperwork from the specialist doctor's office to fill out for each of my boys in order to just be able to schedule an appointment there.  13 pages to fill out for each child.  5 pages to ask each of their teachers to fill out.  Request to ask the school for records.  Can you say completely OVERWHELMED???!!!  So, I decided yesterday I would start working on the packets today.  Well today has come, and I feel so paralyzed.  So many things racing through my mind that it's made it difficult to start.  I decided to get on here and write some of my thoughts out to help myself process everything, and maybe give me the clear mind I need to start working on this paperwork.

So, I mentioned in my last post that I am hoping to get a 504 plan in place for each of my boys, in 3rd grade and 5th grade, to allow accommodations in the classroom.  But I didn't mention exactly what we were trying to get accomplished.  Just thought I'd give a little background, so that anyone who may be reading this would perhaps be able to lift us up in specific prayer if they think of us?  Basically, both of my boys have horrible handwriting.  I know this can be a common thing for many boys who just want to rush through everything and not take their time.  But for years we have worked on handwriting, and even with taking their time, they seemed to have trouble forming letters correctly, sitting them on the line, and sometimes even getting their thoughts from their mind down onto the paper.  It always has seemed like more than just bad handwriting to me, but I didn't know what to do.  After speaking with a friend who is an Occupational Therapist, and trying to get them evaluated through the school, basically because of their grades and test scores still being good right now, they didn't qualify to be tested in the school.  But my friend encouraged me to possibly get them evaluated by a private OT.  Both boy also have amblyopia, in which their brain only uses their one good eye to see, unless forced by a patch or eye blurring drops to use the bad eye too.  My friend possibly believed that the combination of this visual diagnosis along with possibly some fine motor skill difficulty could together be contributing to their difficulty in writing.  After praying about it for a few more weeks, my husband and I decided to in fact get them both evaluated by a private OT.  Straight out of pocket costs for us because of our high deductible, and it isn't cheap, but we felt like we needed to try our best to make whatever sacrifice necessary to get to the bottom of this issue and find out if it was in fact just "bad handwriting" or something more.  After the OT's evaluations, she found that both boys have very poor fine motor skills in their hand muscles.  Our oldest tested at age 8, and is actually almost 11.  Our middle son tested at age 6 and is 8.  So a 3 year and 2 year lag behind their real age for each.  The OT also believed that the combination of their amblyopia and poor fine motor control may together contribute to their difficulty as well.  We agreed to have the OT see both boys for 5 appointments each.  That is all we can afford at this time, and even these we are trying to figure out how to financially cover completely.  The OT has allowed me to sit in on each appointment so that I could learn the exercises she suggests for them to strengthen their hand muscles with the idea that we could continue at home ourselves after the appointments conclude.  So, both boys have been making good strides while at the appointments, however, it seems that as they almost come to a conclusion, much of what they learn and work on in the appointments, is not transferring over to their work while at school and home trying to apply what they've learned to their actual school assignments.  The OT and I both believe that there is possibly also a written language expression disability going on, called dysgraphia.  However, the OT cannot diagnose, so we must be referred to a developmental pediatrician in order to gain a specific diagnosis.  Thus comes in the 13 pages of paperwork for each that I must now complete . . . 

Here is a link explaining dysgraphia very simply as well as a link to some suggested accommodations that could easily be implemented in the classroom, of which we hope to get some in place on their 504 plans:

Explains Dysgraphia:

http://www.brainhe.com/staff/types/dysgraphiastaff.html

Offers many good and simple suggestions for accommodations:

 http://www.ldonline.org/article/6202

So, here is where we are now in the process.  Going through this with both boys, at 2 different schools, is very overwhelming and it seems that I have to get everything done right away.  There is a bit of a time crunch factor, because the paperwork must all be turned in before an appointment can even be scheduled, and there is sometimes a 4-6 month wait for an appointment.  We are praying that will not be the case, as we hope to get this accomplished before the end of the school year.  But that is my hope and my timing.  

I must "take a deep breath" and trust God's timing of how He wants things to work out.  If we don't get in before the end of the year, then we don't.  And we will be okay.  Both boys are still making A's and B's on their report cards, although lately some very low test grades are starting to show themselves, many times when essay questions are part of tests.  So, I know as my oldest moves into middle school next year, there will be even more writing required.  Our oldest usually has the answers in his head, and when asked verbally, can tell you a whole paragraph long answer.  But he can't get it written out onto the paper in the allotted time given for the answers on the tests.  Verbal vs Written answers for some things is one accommodation we hope for.  We want to get these in place before there is an even greater problem.

This morning in church, the Pastor preached from Nehemiah and the power of Godly leadership.  You know those times you feel that the message was speaking directly to you?  It was one of those times this morning for me.  Just as God called Nehemiah to be a leader and to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, I feel He is calling me right now as their Mother to be a leader to fight for my boys' educational needs in order to allow them the best chance of success.  Do I feel like my calling is any less important than Nehemiah's?  It seems smaller, but it is not less important.  God calls each of us to be leaders in different ways at different times in our lives, no matter how small the request may seem, it is always important if He calls you.  The entire sermon spoke to me, but the thing that stood out the most to me was that our Pastor said that Nehemiah "took a deep breath."  

Nehemiah 2:11 says, "So I arrived in Jerusalem.  Three days later,"

After Nehemiah arrived, he was there for 3 days.  Before he did the next step, he was there for 3 days.  He just took a deep breath.  Wow, how refreshing to know that Nehemiah needed some time too in order to process what God had called him to do!  And before he moved onto the next steps, he just took a deep breath!

With all this paperwork before me, I obviously just needed to take a deep breath too.   Writing, whether on this blog or in a journal always is one way I use to reflect and figure out things.  What are you trying to work out in your life today?  Do all the steps before you seem overwhelming?  Has God called you to something that you don't know how you're going to do or how it will all work out?  I encourage you to also take a deep breath.  Wait on God's timing.  Rest it all on the Lord. (2 more points our pastor spoke of today.)

Nehemiah 2:18 - "Then I told them about how the gracious hand of God had been on me,. . . " 

The gracious hand of God is on me, and it is on you too!  How comforting it is that we can rest it all on the Lord.  Please continue to pray for us, if we come to your mind, and that as we go step by step in this overwhelming process that I will rest it all on the Lord.  

And please allow me to pray for you too.  If you are someone I know reading this, or even someone I don't know, won't you please allow me to lift you up to the Lord too?  Feel free to comment or email me (jillbrisken@gmail.com) privately and let me know how I can pray for you.  We are all in this Christian journey together!  Remember to take a deep breath this week as you face whatever God has called you to do in your life.

At the right time

The past couple weeks have been stressful for me as a mom.  There are several things my sons are going through in relation to school, that I am trying to help them with by getting accommodations in place in the classroom.  My ultimate goal is to get a 504 plan in place, so that legally the teachers must follow the accommodations in the plan.  If anyone has ever gone through this, you know that it seems and feels like a huge mountain of tasks that all must take place in order to get this accomplished.  I have struggled for a couple years whether to even push forward with this request, because I've heard how much of a nightmare it can be to get it in place.  However, we have come to the point where I feel that I must fight for my kids in order to offer them the best chance at success.  And I feel that God is leading me and telling me the time is now.  Given that thought though, now that I've decided to move forward with the request, it feels as though there is a rush for everything to be done RIGHT NOW.  It's hard to prioritize, because everything seems that it needs to happen all at the same time, it is all important.  I stayed up until the early hours of the morning one night this past week, just worried, stressed, and planned out all that I thought I needed to do to get everything going and in place.  I have gotten the ball rolling with one of my son's schools, but now I must go and get a statement from their doctor.  The specialist doctor they see may or may not relate their condition to needing accommodations at school.  If that is the case, then we must wait for a referral to another specialist.  It is all very hard to determine, and could take a long time . . . And again I feel that there is a rush, because in my mind I want this completed soon and definitely before the end of the school year.  But I am going to try not to worry this next week, and trust God that at the right time he will make things happen as they are supposed to happen, and direct me in each step.

1 Peter 5:6-7
"So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.  Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."

Sometimes, I only focus on verse 7 about giving my worries to God.  But I must not forget verse 6 . . . He will lift me up in honor at the right time, and I must humble myself under His mighty power.

That is my focus as I head into a new week, filled with more to do lists.  I am humbling myself under His power, His MIGHTY POWER, and waiting for Him to lift me up AT THE RIGHT TIME.  The timing is not up to me.  No matter how rushed I try to get things done, I can't control the timing of how everything is going to work out and when or if it even will.  But I can trust God, because He cares about me.

Is there something that you're worried about today?  Remember to give your worry to the Lord, but also to trust that at the right time, He will lift you up.  The timing is in His Mighty Power.

Craving Simplification

For the past several weeks, when I feel overwhelmed and like there's too much to get done, which is very often . . . the same word keeps coming to my mind - Simplify.  I want to simplify my life in every way.  But how do you even find the time to do it?  There are so many things I feel behind on, this blog being one of them.  What should be a joy to me to record my family's happenings, becomes a burden that is added to another long list of things I can't seem to get to.  I was so motivated over the summer to stick with my nutrition and health, and still am doing fairly well, but as I knew would happen, I can't keep up with blogging about it or keep up with it to the intensity I was able to in the summer.  And that's just life.  That's the stage I'm in with young children.  And being a Mom.  And working outside the home.  And the list goes on.  But what do I do about it?  I feel like I'm trying to keep up with these expectations, mostly that I've put on myself to keep doing.  I've got to keep up with this blog, and my yearly family website where we send out a Christmas greeting each year with our family letter, and keep it updated with all the pictures from all the events we've done throughout the year.  But who really looks at that anyway?  Yes, I myself like going to it and looking back over the years and seeing what we did, and how young the kids were, and how everyone has grown.  I imagine one day my kids will look at it and find joy.  But who really knows if they will?  Am I wasting time posting pictures and updates that I could be spending and enjoying with them in the flesh in the next room?  This is my current dilemma.  I am craving simplification.  But all these other things I want to do, they are part of what makes me me.  I love pictures, I love photography.  Another thing I currently feel I don't have time for.  I've invested over the past couple years in building my photography equipment and learning skills, in the hopes that I could make a decent side income doing something that I love to do, take pictures.  But right now, it too feels like a burden that I don't have the time or money to put into it.  Maybe this is just a season.  Maybe in another day or two I'll feel completely different.  But for now, this is what it is.  I've got to find a way to simplify my life.  I know that my #1 purpose right now in my life is to be a mom to Ethan, Caleb, & Alaina.  I wish I could do it full time.  But I can't.  I am thankful I only have to work part time for things to work for our family.  I realize that is also a blessing, and many people are a part of making that a reality for our family.  I'm not ungrateful.  But because I have limited time with them, and the years are short, I don't want to waste my energy on keeping up pictures or keeping up recollecting all that we've been doing on a blog.  But yet, I love to write.  It is also a part of what makes me who I am.  I don't want to give up me, because keeping the things I love to do in my life, makes me a better wife and mom.  So, this is me "thinking it out" through writing.  I'm seeking out what my next step should (or shouldn't be) in regards to all I've said.  I'm definitely craving simplification, but I don't know what that will ultimately look like for me.  And maybe that's ok.  I'm seeking God's help to help me work out what that means for me.  Until then, there may be a long haitus on this blog and our family website too.  Thanks for your patience with me as I try to figure this out.

When I am tempted to complain . . .

When I am tempted to complain about how hard it is to come back after a week long vacation (how ironic is that?!), I am reminded:

"Do everything without complaining or arguing. Then you will be innocent and without any wrong." Philippians 2:14-15. 

We just got back yesterday from a week long vacation to the Outer Banks of NC with 24 people in my family.  We had done something similar 2 years ago, and decided to do it again.  This time I thought was even better than before.  We stayed in a nicer house, my kids were older so I could enjoy myself a little more, and it was really just a wonderful time!  But you know how vacations go, you spend time the week before vacation working yourself crazy to prepare to go (at both my out of the home job and in home wife and mom things), then you get back and have a week's worth of things to catch up on (at both my out of the home job and in home job as wife and mom.)  It's exhausting and I've only been trying to get back to the swing of things for 1 day! Plus when we left for our vacation we were in school schedule mode, and now school is out so summer mode is upon us immediately!  I'm not ready, not prepared!  I tried to get a new family summer schedule/routine/system set up tonight for my family and everyone cried and had break downs when I tried to explain it to them.  Probably not the best time for me to explain it to them when we're all still tired emotionally and physically from our 10 hour drive back home.  I feel behind in everything . . . our finances, my calendar of summer events for the kids, work tasks and responsibilities, home tasks and responsibilities, EVERYTHING!  So, you see my temptation to complain?  

But then I read that verse in my devotional book sitting on my night stand.  Oh how God can get our attention right at the right time, huh?  So, I am choosing to focus my thoughts on my blessings, my gifts, and my opportunities instead.  Thank you, Lord, for this reminder!  And please help me to take ONE THING at a time to catch back up at work and home, and to depend on you each step at a time.  

Has something or someone stolen your joy?

Has something or someone stolen your joy?  If you're like me, you can answer yes to this question right now, or have been able to answer yes at some time in your life.  I don't have long to blog, because it is 1 am and I have to be up early, but this was on my mind . . . for the past month to six weeks I have let something steal my joy.  So much so that I've wasted countless nights not sleeping, and thought about it all day, it has consumed me.

John 10:10
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

I decided I'm not going to let Satan steal my joy any longer through this situation I've been dealing with.  I have chosen today, with God's help, not to let Satan steal my joy.  Any time I start to worry, think, dwell, or even give a second thought to this situation, I am going to remember that Jesus came to give me a full life, not one filled with worry.  I have done all I can do in the situation, behaved in what I truly feel was the manner becoming of a Christian, and that's all I can do.

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."

And so with these words, I will take heart!  I will have peace in Jesus.  Thank you Lord for telling me these things, and allowing me to finally lift this weight from my shoulders.  I trust in You and Your Holy Word, the Bible.  Thank you for your encouragement to me in it today.

I'm Tired . . . Anyone else?

I'm really tired . . . not necessarily physically tired, although that too, but mentally tired.  We've gotten through Christmas time around here, New Year's, and now it's back to regular routines, school schedules, starting basketball practice for the boys, planning birthday parties for my oldest and youngest children, celebrating my husband's birthday, and on and on an on.  Oh, and that's just my job as mom.  My job as an accounting assistant warrants even more busyness . . . end of year closings of records, quarterly tax filing, end of year tax filing, closing out everything from one year and starting books and charts for the next year.  When do I have a chance to recover from one thing to get ready for the next?  It feels like never.  I know part of my dreary outlook is because I haven't been exercising regularly.  I always feel better when I take the time to stay physically fit.  But when do I have time or energy for that?  We don't even have our Christmas tree, ornaments, or all the decorations put away yet!  Too tired.  Too busy.  They may be up until February, maybe March at this rate.  I hope I can start to cling to these promises below.

"God is our refuge and strength.  A very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear.  Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling." - Psalm 46:1-3 NKJV

God, please be my refuge and strength during this time.  Please allow me to let You be my very present help.

The phone call

Today I got the phone call no parent wants to get . . . from my son's teacher . . . then another from the assistant principal.  Apparently my son did something during reading time that is against the rules, thinking he was being funny, but it was not.  I believe it was harmless and just a 6 year old boy being a boy, however two other boys saw him do it, so the school must react with a punishment.  I understand the school has to cover their bases, but it is just so hard.  This particular son has been struggling with a few anger issues anyway, and maybe this is why this happened, I don't know.  But the punishment for him will be that tomorrow he has to spend the whole day in the office with the assistant principal doing his work.  My heart breaks for him.  He already struggles with feeling anxious about going to school on a good day, so this will be even harder.  I cried almost all afternoon.  No parent wants their child to be the one who got in trouble at school, let alone has to spend a day in the principal's office.  And this is a child who is never a behavior problem at school.  Part of me thinks that all day in the office is a little too much, but I know they have to make their point.  I am trying to be supportive.  So, tonight we told our son right before bedtime what his consequence for breaking the rule at school would be, and of course he is upset about it.  He said he never wanted to go to school again.  But we tried to encourage him that we knew he could be strong and face the consequence of his bad choice tomorrow, and depend on Jesus to help him through when he feels scared or overwhelmed.  I shared with him the verse that had encouraged me today, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7  It seemed that he was receptive to what we said, and actually said a prayer tonight himself asking God to forgive him, and asking God to help him face his consequence tomorrow.  Learning lessons in our lives through mistakes are so hard, but seeing your children learn lessons in their lives through mistakes seems even harder.  You want so much for them not to have to go through the hurt.  Earlier when I just felt so hopeless and helpless, this verse encouraged me too.  "My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word." - Psalm 119:28  I was encouraged with God's word.  The whole chapter 119 of Psalms is very good.  Read it if you have not!  My prayer is that C would learn through the time of his punishment at school tomorrow.  My prayer for myself is that I wouldn't be so discouraged from this that I lose hope in him.  I know he is just a child, but as a parent I often find myself looking too far into the future and worrying that if he is in trouble now for this, what will he be like when he's older?  I can't think like that though.  I must believe in him and I do.  I do believe that God has a plan for his life.  "For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11  Praying that God will help my boy be strong tomorrow, and help his Mommy to not worry about him.  Part of letting go and teaching your children to depend on God to help them too, when they make mistakes.

Sensory Processing Disorder is part of my story

It's been a while since I've been actively studying SPD and how it affects C (my spirited son), specifically.  The developmental pediatricians we saw, diagnosed C with Clinical Anxiety Disorder.  And even though they didn't specifically diagnose him with SPD, the first book she recommended for me to read was "The Out of Sync Child," by Carol Kranowitz (a book all about Sensory Processing Disorder).  I had already read it.  That's why at the time of our appointments, the doctor was so impressed with how much I already knew and how many suggestions that she gave to help him in the situations he often melts down in ,we were already doing.  But despite all the "sensory diet" activities we were trying to fit into our daily routines, we were still having issues that didn't seem to be getting any easier or better, without a TON of work on our parts.  We opted to try anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication, and truthfully it has helped.  It's helped C to feel better about himself, have more self confidence, be more outgoing in public situations and with people he doesn't know very well (interacting with his new teacher for instance by talking and carrying on conversations . . . this he wouldn't have done before until after months of getting comfortable with her).  The medication has also helped C to think more clearly and logically . . . that is once he is calmed down.  And it has helped so that he calms down quicker when he does go into a "fight or flight" reaction when he is in sensory overload.  It doesn't, however, completely eliminate the situations in which he can easily go into meltdown reaction.  Also, we had increased his dosage because we saw some more of the panicking and anxiety reactions occurring more often again, and we and the doctors thought perhaps he needed a higher dose of the medication to help regulate him.  However, when we went up from half a pill to a whole pill, he started going to the opposite end of the spectrum and being hyper, impulsive, couldn't sit still, etc.  Over the course of the past several weeks we have decreased his dosage back down to half a pill, and it has helped some with the increased hyperactivity. 

 But the changes in all of this comes at a hard time anyway . . . the start back of school.  New situations, new changes in routine, new people, new environments . . . these are the things that C can have trouble with.  And what I've recently learned in another book I've been reading about SPD, is that C's sensory signal he seems to have the most issues with is called, "Self Regulation" and also "Proprioception."   In this book I've been reading, "Understanding Your Child's Sensory Signals" by Angie Voss (Kindle edition 5.99), it kind of reads like a helpful handbook . . . when your child is having trouble with _____, then this is the sensory signal they're having trouble with, and here are some things you can do to help them during this time.  Today, after a meltdown at homework time about E (social son) finishing his reading before him and getting to go play with a friend before him, he was in his "fight" stage of crying and being so focused on the fact that he wouldn't get to play at the same time, that he couldn't reason that all he had to do was finish his reading and get focused on getting it done and then he would be able to play too.  He couldn't get to that second logical thought though, so I took him in the bedroom, made him jump on the trampoline 30 times (all the while him crying, but slowed down as he jumped).  I couldn't talk or reason with him during this time.  The only thing I could say was that he needed to jump so that he would calm down, and that jumping would help him to calm down.  I then tried creating a "Pillow Cave" for him, a suggestion from the same book.  

     -Pillow Cave - helped him go under my comforter and sheets and piled pillows up on top of him and around him, and told him he was in the "Pillow Mountain" to calm down.  I told him he didn't need to think about anything else or talk about anything else right now.  We would talk about it (whatever consequences or actions are needed) after he has calmed down.  Once he has calmed down, you can usually then talk to him about his behavior and ask him questions about how he reacted and behaved, was that good behavior or bad behavior, what the consequence will be for the bad behavior, and what the plan is now to move on from this.

The Pillow Cave actually helped him to calm down a lot.  And I was able to then logically talk him through the situation, talk about what his consequence was for not following directions and reading when he was supposed to (the consequences and responsibilities still get done, not excused), and then we came up with a plan together on how to move on from here.  

It's a lot of extra time and work for me, in that during a meltdown of what appears to be him misbehaving, or disobeying (and sometimes he is with his actions), instead of focusing right then on the behavior and the meltdown, I have to focus on the fact that he is in sensory overload at this moment and my focus has to be to get him to calm down.  Then, I can talk to him.  It takes a lot of extra time and patience that I don't always think I have the time, strength, or energy to deal with.  I find myself thinking, "Why can't he be just like a "normal" child that when I say he has to do his reading before he can go play with a friend, he may whine or complain a little, but then accepts in and gets the task done . . . instead of turning it into a huge meltdown?"  I found myself forgetting on the first day of homework that the calming down part needed to be my focus, and so I lost it.  I yelled at him, I took him to time out in his room (another thing that makes things worse for him and increases the severity of the meltdown), . . . I had a bad "Mom moment" for sure!  I think I was partly hoping that with the success we had seen with his medication at the end of the school year last year and over the summer, that perhaps I wouldn't have to make these "sensory diet activities" a part of our regular routine.  Who has time to do all these things anyway, with 2 other children, working part time, and trying to maintain a household I thought?  

But I've done some soul searching and praying in the last few days and realized that just because he takes medication, it doesn't erase the issue he has with SPD. There are no medications for SPD, only accommodation and understanding.   I am still going to have to make these accommodations, and stay on top of providing these sensory outlets for him so that the meltdowns WILL BE FEWER and so that he can continue learning things that help calm him down.  One day, I pray he will be able to Self Regulate himself, but so far, only 7 months or so into really learning about this and how it affects him, and him only being 6 years old (almost), I can't expect him to be able to do that.  My understanding and patience has to remain and be accepting of the issues he struggles with.  It is so hard to not think in my mind that he is acting and behaving this way on purpose, just to make my life hard, or just to call attention to himself . . . but when he is in a calm state, I hear the true feelings and thoughts of his heart, and he doesn't want to react and act the way that he does.  He doesn't want to feel out of control, overwhelmed, and acting badly.  

So, it is with a new understanding (again) that I will try to face my routine each day with him . . . especially homework time.  The hard thing is that the issues he struggles with for SPD don't affect him at school (well they do, but silently).  He is not a discipline problem at school.  It's like he flips a switch and retreats into a shell at school, being quiet, following all the rules, etc.  So, why then do the meltdowns just occur at home?  The developmental pediatrician says it is because that is where he feels the most comfortable, able to be himself, able to let out all the feelings he's stuffed in all day during the day at school, and then he lets them out in inappropriate ways at home.  

So, some things we have found that help C specifically are below. (See more ideas on pg. 32 of attached PDF book - "Your Essential Guide to Understanding Sensory Processing Disorder" by Angie Voss) It's kind of like we have to make him do a circuit workout of exercises to keep his brain in balance.  And that's hard to remember to do.  But I am going to try to be committed to doing these again on a regular basis, so that his nervous system and neurological system will be more balanced.  

     -Jumping up and down or on a trampoline at least 30 times

     -Doing push ups (on ground, or on wall)

     -Hanging from monkey bars (with adult assisting so he doesn't fall)

     -standing on his head (helping him to have his head inverted/upside down)

     -Putting books in a backback and having him walk around with it through an obstacle course or up and down stairs (heavy work/lifting work)

     -Using an exercise stretch band to put around his feet while sitting in the pike position with his legs out in front of him and pulling back and forth with his hands/arms

     -Crab walks (heavy muscle movement)

Some other great resources and books I'd recommend on understanding Sensory Processing Disorder are below.

http://www.understandingspd.com/sensory-definitions.html

"Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Handbook for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues" by Lindsey Biel and Nancy Peske

"The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz

If we do our best to understand why C acts the way he does sometimes, and do our best to provide these sensory exercises and outlets, hopefully we will begin to see more improvement and less meltdowns and out of control behavior.  It takes a lot in changing the way that we think about things, about traditional discipline methods, about shifting or stopping an activity that is not working or one in which C is not handling well, and being willing to try making a "Pillow Mountain" with him, or suggesting he do 30 jumping jacks at a time that seems inopportune.  But that's what we have to do sometimes . . . and I've found that when I take the time to do these things, it really does help.

It is still such a hard thing to deal with as a parent, but one of my friends encouraged me recently that perhaps I would be able to one day encourage another parent going through this with their child, and offer suggestions or ways to help them from what I am learning now.  This is a part of my story as "Mom to C" and I have to accept my role in this.  I am continuing to pray for God's strength each day to learn more about SPD, and ways in which I can help my son.

Choosing Not to Spend and Be Content

Since I started this blog last year and wrote the initial posts, I haven't posted any new entries.  I think I still go back and forth about whether to add my "thinking" entries to this blog or just have them on my family blog.  But anyway, tonight I had a lot on my mind, so I thought I would just write it out here.  I don't think anyone I know really reads this blog anyway, and if they do, that's fine too.  But this may not interest anyone but myself . . .

First, the title of this post is just the goal of my past week.  As a Christian, it should be one of my life goals . . . and it has been at times, just not lately. 

A little history . . . about 5 years ago my husband and I took the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class at our church.  At the time, we maybe had about $7,000 worth of credit card debt.  Most of it was from medical bills we couldn't pay in full.  Even with insurance, having each of our two children cost us generally $3,500 out of pocket for each one.  Some of it was from major car repairs we couldn't cover in full also.  We basically didn't make enough from our incomes to cover emergencies.  And the $1,000 emergency fund never was enough.  Plus, once the emergency fund is gone, then you have to work to rebuild it.  Without much income for anything extra, it takes a long time to rebuild.  My husband was already working a second job, and I was working more hours than I wanted to, with wanting to be as much of a full-time Mom as possible, and still work part time because our family's financial needs warrant that I do so just for our basic needs.  So, we figured out that we would be on the "slow track" of the Dave Ramsey plan and just not go into debt further, and continue paying all we could towards our debt.  By our calculations, it would mean we would have our debt paid off in about 4 years. 

Then comes June of 2010 . . . 3 years after our debt payoff plan started.  We were pretty close to on track.  There had been a few emergencies that came up, but we hadn't added much to our overall credit card debt.  I found out I was pregnant with surprise baby #3.  Here comes another $3,500 out of pocket . . . not once, but twice (I would have to pay the full deductible amounts twice because of my pregnancy crossing over the span of two calendar years).  Don't get me wrong, we were blessed at every turn, our every need being provided time after countless time.  We continued tithing, even when it didn't seem that we could.  Almost all of one of the deductibles was paid in full completely for us by a most generous person!  But that still left the other $3,500.  Also, emotionally, once I became pregnant I went through a bit of a depression.  Feeling as if "What is the point?" We followed this plan faithfully for 3 years, and now it's all going to be put right back into our debt pile with the new medical bills for the baby.  I became bitter at people that don't carry insurance, but are still seen and given treatment and have many babies but never pay a thing!  Here I am a responsible citizen paying for insurance, and still not able to pay the portion that is left for me to pay.  But I still faithfully pay on my hospital payment plan, so that the hospital is going to eventually get all of their money for the services they provided for me to have my baby.  I kind of gave up for the year I was pregnant, plus the 1st year of our new baby girl's life.  With the cost of formula and diapers, we weren't getting ahead, we were just surviving.  Making ends meet and paying the minimums on everything.  Also, to cope with my emotional non-well being of adjusting to having a third child, I allowed myself to say okay to more frivolous spending than I normally would've.  My husband and I went out to eat more when we had babysitters to watch the kids because I just really needed the break!  All of this was true, but also my focus wasn't on getting our debt paid down.

In the past 3 months, we had another major financial emergency.  We had lots of flooding into our house, and had to professionally have it fixed - twice!  The bills for these new relandscaping projects cost more than what we paid to have two of our children.  So, there we go even deeper into debt.  Plus I start worrying lately that my husband and I now have three children, and no significant amount of life insurance.  If something were to happen to either of us, or both of us, there is not enough to cover our mortgage!  We also don't have any retirement.  How is this possible that we are in such bad financial shape personally, and professionally I work to keep meticulous books for a company that pays all their bills on time and has virtually no debt.  Much in part to my planning and careful financial attention to detail.  I have the skills and knowledge on how to do this, I just have never thought we've had the income to do anything about it.  And most of the time, that has been true.

However, just recently my husband was given an opportunity for a profit sharing bonus to be earned off the company's monthly profit.  This is wonderful news, as he hasn't had a raise in the past 3 years.  We never know what this amount will be, but we plan to put all of it towards our debt.  However, the first couple months, we get excited about it and spend it more frivolously than we should on things we could've waited on.  We had the money, didn't go any deeper into debt, but didn't come out any further out of debt either.

We have been trying to teach our children that they can't get a toy every time we go to the store.  We have been successfully teaching and implementing this for the past couple years with them.  They must earn to the top of their chore/behavior charts before they earn money, and then they can choose how to spend the money (with our guidance, teaching them how to tithe also).  So, we often tell them that we don't have the money to get them more toys, and that they have to save their money to get them.

Well, this week I realized that I want to implement the principle I have been teaching them.  Before I get any more toys, I want to take care of the things that matter most.  I want to have a good life insurance plan in place.  I want to start saving for retirement.  And I want to get our debt paid off.  I still feel like we'll never get it paid off, because there will always be emergencies that we can't pay off.  But if we really, really focus on choosing not to spend and be content with all that we already have, I bet it would go a lot faster than I think. 

So, all of this long, long, rambling post to say that I am Choosing Not to Spend and Be Content with what I have, so that we can make a significant dent in our debt and get it paid off, be responsible and protect our children with a decent life insurance policy, and start saving for our retirement.  I am praying for God's strength to teach me this lesson daily.

"Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.  I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything.  I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.  For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:11-13

Teach Them To Your Children

"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the Lord swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth." - Deuteronomy 11:18-21

I have been so frustrated lately with being a mom . . . I love my children, but I just haven't LIKED them very much.  I think all parents can relate, although they might not ever admit this.  The day in and day out of parenting can really wear you down.  I don't know how parents do it without the love and strength of Jesus behind them, guiding them through His Word in the way they should go.  I know I certainly depend on Him sometimes moment by moment in my parenting challenges and struggles.  I have to keep reminding myself that there is a reason I am teaching my children these things . . . not just to do right because they should and that is what is expected, but because that is what God commands us to do, so that our days, their days will by MANY.  I have to remember that these kids have been entrusted to ME for only a short time, shorter than I even realize now.  I can't give up on teaching them God's words and commands.  It is my main JOB to teach them how to fix these words in their hearts and minds, to talk about them when we sit at home and when we walk along the road, and when we lie down and when we get up . . . ALL THE TIME!  I also should WRITE them in our house to be seen by myself and my kids.  Our church is doing a church-wide study on the basics of being a Christian and walking with the Savior.  One way to do that is by memorizing verses in the Bible.  This is so much harder for me to do as an adult!  Other people who wrote the study must've known this fact, as they gave each person scriptures written out on cards and with a stand up placard to put them in front of us, where we would see them the most to remember them.  It is a discipline I learned as a child, but must relearn and reteach myself to do as an adult.

My prayer is that as I continue to fix God's words in my own heart and mind, that I will be the mother that my children need me to be, so that they can grow in their understanding and knowledge of Him.  I know I am so far from the perfect mother, although I strive to do my best, but I know God forgives me for the many times I mess up, the times I let my frustration with the circumstances get the best of me, the times I say something I shouldn't have said to my kids, the times I don't say something that I should've said, . . . the list goes on.

Thank you, Lord, that You have given me Your Word, the Bible, to teach and instruct me in the way I should go.


"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." - Psalm 32:8

Depending on God Like Never Before

I am depending on God like I never have before. 

I'm at a new phase in my life, with the recent birth of our third child, a child we were not expecting in our own plans (but planned all along by God), my life has taken a different turn than I thought it would.  I am still adjusting to the newness of a new schedule with three children, the balancing act of it all.  Getting one child to school all day, one child to preschool, one child on a routine of feeding and napping and sleeping through the night, and going back to work part time, keeping up with a household and all the chores that entails, working on my relationship with my husband to keep my marriage going strong, prioritizing time to read my Bible and grow as a Christian, fitting in exercise to keep my body and mind in shape, and the list could go on and on and on!  Any other moms out there feel the same way I do with the never ending list?  In my every day lists in my head, on paper, on my calendar reminders on my phone that pop up at me to remind me 30 minutes before a doctor's appointment for someone in the family (otherwise I am afraid I would forget it if the reminder is any earlier than 30 minutes away.  I blame the post-pregnancy brain for my new increasing lack of memory at this time! . . . my complete dependence is on HIM, my SAVIOR, my LORD, my HELPER, my COMFORTER, my FRIEND.  He really does care about the "tiny trust steps" that you take each day in trusting in Him to get you through.  

Do you have a complete dependence on Him?  Do you desire a deeper dependence on Him?  I know I do.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." - Isaiah 26:3-4

TRUST ME

From "Jesus Calling", pg. 380, by Sarah Young

"TRUST ME with every fiber of your being!  What I can accomplish in and through you is proportional to how much you depend on Me.  One aspect of this is the degree to which you trust Me in a crisis or major decision.  Some people fail miserably here, while others are at their best in tough times.  Another aspect is even more telling: the constancy of your trust in Me.  People who rely on Me in the midst of adversity may forget about Me when life is flowing smoothly.  Difficult times can jolt you into awareness of your need for Me, whereas smooth sailing can lull you into the stupor of self-sufficiency.


I care as much about your tiny trust-steps through daily life as about your dramatic leaps of faith.  You may think that no one notices, but the One who is always beside you sees everything-and rejoices.  Consistently trusting in Me is vital to flourishing in My Presence.


Psalm 40:4; Psalm 56:3-4; Psalm 62:8; Isaiah 26:3-4"""""""""

I couldn't have said it any better.  Almost every sentence above stands out to me.  I looked up the verses from which this devotion was based above, and I am so encouraged.  It is very true that sometimes in the "easy" times of our lives, we don't depend on God as much as we should.  It's comforting to know that Jesus does care about our "tiny trust-steps through daily life" just as much as the "dramatic leaps of faith."  What tiny trust-steps am I taking in my life?

Why Start a New Blog?

It's amazing that I've gotten to this first post, as it has taken me nearly 2 hours just to set up the design and format of this new blog!  There is still so much more I want to do, but I figured I better get in a post, which is the whole purpose of a blog in the first place.  I will come back later (hopefully) to work some more with adding the things I want to add on the sidebars, more links, etc.  The other night I found one of my old journals.  I haven't written in a journal since before I had kids, and my oldest is now 7.  Somehow with the art of technology, I lost the art of writing.  I thought about taking it up again, but then after an hour of journaling the "old fashioned" way with pen and paper, my hand really hurt!  I decided I would try using the technology to my advantage and blog.  I have another blog I keep as a history for my family - special events we do, pictures, memories.  But I am starting this blog to journal my journey to a deeper dependence and trust in Jesus, my Lord and Savior.  I hope to share what's on my heart, "pour out your hearts to him" (Psalm 62:8).  It may not always be easy and it may not always be joyful.  But God is there for me and for everyone to depend on no matter what situation they are going through.  I happened to flip through a new devotional book I received for my birthday recently, "Jesus Calling - Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young, and found the perfect entry detailing my purpose in starting this new blog.  I will share this entry in my next post.