The phone call

Today I got the phone call no parent wants to get . . . from my son's teacher . . . then another from the assistant principal.  Apparently my son did something during reading time that is against the rules, thinking he was being funny, but it was not.  I believe it was harmless and just a 6 year old boy being a boy, however two other boys saw him do it, so the school must react with a punishment.  I understand the school has to cover their bases, but it is just so hard.  This particular son has been struggling with a few anger issues anyway, and maybe this is why this happened, I don't know.  But the punishment for him will be that tomorrow he has to spend the whole day in the office with the assistant principal doing his work.  My heart breaks for him.  He already struggles with feeling anxious about going to school on a good day, so this will be even harder.  I cried almost all afternoon.  No parent wants their child to be the one who got in trouble at school, let alone has to spend a day in the principal's office.  And this is a child who is never a behavior problem at school.  Part of me thinks that all day in the office is a little too much, but I know they have to make their point.  I am trying to be supportive.  So, tonight we told our son right before bedtime what his consequence for breaking the rule at school would be, and of course he is upset about it.  He said he never wanted to go to school again.  But we tried to encourage him that we knew he could be strong and face the consequence of his bad choice tomorrow, and depend on Jesus to help him through when he feels scared or overwhelmed.  I shared with him the verse that had encouraged me today, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7  It seemed that he was receptive to what we said, and actually said a prayer tonight himself asking God to forgive him, and asking God to help him face his consequence tomorrow.  Learning lessons in our lives through mistakes are so hard, but seeing your children learn lessons in their lives through mistakes seems even harder.  You want so much for them not to have to go through the hurt.  Earlier when I just felt so hopeless and helpless, this verse encouraged me too.  "My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word." - Psalm 119:28  I was encouraged with God's word.  The whole chapter 119 of Psalms is very good.  Read it if you have not!  My prayer is that C would learn through the time of his punishment at school tomorrow.  My prayer for myself is that I wouldn't be so discouraged from this that I lose hope in him.  I know he is just a child, but as a parent I often find myself looking too far into the future and worrying that if he is in trouble now for this, what will he be like when he's older?  I can't think like that though.  I must believe in him and I do.  I do believe that God has a plan for his life.  "For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11  Praying that God will help my boy be strong tomorrow, and help his Mommy to not worry about him.  Part of letting go and teaching your children to depend on God to help them too, when they make mistakes.

Sensory Processing Disorder is part of my story

It's been a while since I've been actively studying SPD and how it affects C (my spirited son), specifically.  The developmental pediatricians we saw, diagnosed C with Clinical Anxiety Disorder.  And even though they didn't specifically diagnose him with SPD, the first book she recommended for me to read was "The Out of Sync Child," by Carol Kranowitz (a book all about Sensory Processing Disorder).  I had already read it.  That's why at the time of our appointments, the doctor was so impressed with how much I already knew and how many suggestions that she gave to help him in the situations he often melts down in ,we were already doing.  But despite all the "sensory diet" activities we were trying to fit into our daily routines, we were still having issues that didn't seem to be getting any easier or better, without a TON of work on our parts.  We opted to try anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication, and truthfully it has helped.  It's helped C to feel better about himself, have more self confidence, be more outgoing in public situations and with people he doesn't know very well (interacting with his new teacher for instance by talking and carrying on conversations . . . this he wouldn't have done before until after months of getting comfortable with her).  The medication has also helped C to think more clearly and logically . . . that is once he is calmed down.  And it has helped so that he calms down quicker when he does go into a "fight or flight" reaction when he is in sensory overload.  It doesn't, however, completely eliminate the situations in which he can easily go into meltdown reaction.  Also, we had increased his dosage because we saw some more of the panicking and anxiety reactions occurring more often again, and we and the doctors thought perhaps he needed a higher dose of the medication to help regulate him.  However, when we went up from half a pill to a whole pill, he started going to the opposite end of the spectrum and being hyper, impulsive, couldn't sit still, etc.  Over the course of the past several weeks we have decreased his dosage back down to half a pill, and it has helped some with the increased hyperactivity. 

 But the changes in all of this comes at a hard time anyway . . . the start back of school.  New situations, new changes in routine, new people, new environments . . . these are the things that C can have trouble with.  And what I've recently learned in another book I've been reading about SPD, is that C's sensory signal he seems to have the most issues with is called, "Self Regulation" and also "Proprioception."   In this book I've been reading, "Understanding Your Child's Sensory Signals" by Angie Voss (Kindle edition 5.99), it kind of reads like a helpful handbook . . . when your child is having trouble with _____, then this is the sensory signal they're having trouble with, and here are some things you can do to help them during this time.  Today, after a meltdown at homework time about E (social son) finishing his reading before him and getting to go play with a friend before him, he was in his "fight" stage of crying and being so focused on the fact that he wouldn't get to play at the same time, that he couldn't reason that all he had to do was finish his reading and get focused on getting it done and then he would be able to play too.  He couldn't get to that second logical thought though, so I took him in the bedroom, made him jump on the trampoline 30 times (all the while him crying, but slowed down as he jumped).  I couldn't talk or reason with him during this time.  The only thing I could say was that he needed to jump so that he would calm down, and that jumping would help him to calm down.  I then tried creating a "Pillow Cave" for him, a suggestion from the same book.  

     -Pillow Cave - helped him go under my comforter and sheets and piled pillows up on top of him and around him, and told him he was in the "Pillow Mountain" to calm down.  I told him he didn't need to think about anything else or talk about anything else right now.  We would talk about it (whatever consequences or actions are needed) after he has calmed down.  Once he has calmed down, you can usually then talk to him about his behavior and ask him questions about how he reacted and behaved, was that good behavior or bad behavior, what the consequence will be for the bad behavior, and what the plan is now to move on from this.

The Pillow Cave actually helped him to calm down a lot.  And I was able to then logically talk him through the situation, talk about what his consequence was for not following directions and reading when he was supposed to (the consequences and responsibilities still get done, not excused), and then we came up with a plan together on how to move on from here.  

It's a lot of extra time and work for me, in that during a meltdown of what appears to be him misbehaving, or disobeying (and sometimes he is with his actions), instead of focusing right then on the behavior and the meltdown, I have to focus on the fact that he is in sensory overload at this moment and my focus has to be to get him to calm down.  Then, I can talk to him.  It takes a lot of extra time and patience that I don't always think I have the time, strength, or energy to deal with.  I find myself thinking, "Why can't he be just like a "normal" child that when I say he has to do his reading before he can go play with a friend, he may whine or complain a little, but then accepts in and gets the task done . . . instead of turning it into a huge meltdown?"  I found myself forgetting on the first day of homework that the calming down part needed to be my focus, and so I lost it.  I yelled at him, I took him to time out in his room (another thing that makes things worse for him and increases the severity of the meltdown), . . . I had a bad "Mom moment" for sure!  I think I was partly hoping that with the success we had seen with his medication at the end of the school year last year and over the summer, that perhaps I wouldn't have to make these "sensory diet activities" a part of our regular routine.  Who has time to do all these things anyway, with 2 other children, working part time, and trying to maintain a household I thought?  

But I've done some soul searching and praying in the last few days and realized that just because he takes medication, it doesn't erase the issue he has with SPD. There are no medications for SPD, only accommodation and understanding.   I am still going to have to make these accommodations, and stay on top of providing these sensory outlets for him so that the meltdowns WILL BE FEWER and so that he can continue learning things that help calm him down.  One day, I pray he will be able to Self Regulate himself, but so far, only 7 months or so into really learning about this and how it affects him, and him only being 6 years old (almost), I can't expect him to be able to do that.  My understanding and patience has to remain and be accepting of the issues he struggles with.  It is so hard to not think in my mind that he is acting and behaving this way on purpose, just to make my life hard, or just to call attention to himself . . . but when he is in a calm state, I hear the true feelings and thoughts of his heart, and he doesn't want to react and act the way that he does.  He doesn't want to feel out of control, overwhelmed, and acting badly.  

So, it is with a new understanding (again) that I will try to face my routine each day with him . . . especially homework time.  The hard thing is that the issues he struggles with for SPD don't affect him at school (well they do, but silently).  He is not a discipline problem at school.  It's like he flips a switch and retreats into a shell at school, being quiet, following all the rules, etc.  So, why then do the meltdowns just occur at home?  The developmental pediatrician says it is because that is where he feels the most comfortable, able to be himself, able to let out all the feelings he's stuffed in all day during the day at school, and then he lets them out in inappropriate ways at home.  

So, some things we have found that help C specifically are below. (See more ideas on pg. 32 of attached PDF book - "Your Essential Guide to Understanding Sensory Processing Disorder" by Angie Voss) It's kind of like we have to make him do a circuit workout of exercises to keep his brain in balance.  And that's hard to remember to do.  But I am going to try to be committed to doing these again on a regular basis, so that his nervous system and neurological system will be more balanced.  

     -Jumping up and down or on a trampoline at least 30 times

     -Doing push ups (on ground, or on wall)

     -Hanging from monkey bars (with adult assisting so he doesn't fall)

     -standing on his head (helping him to have his head inverted/upside down)

     -Putting books in a backback and having him walk around with it through an obstacle course or up and down stairs (heavy work/lifting work)

     -Using an exercise stretch band to put around his feet while sitting in the pike position with his legs out in front of him and pulling back and forth with his hands/arms

     -Crab walks (heavy muscle movement)

Some other great resources and books I'd recommend on understanding Sensory Processing Disorder are below.

http://www.understandingspd.com/sensory-definitions.html

"Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Handbook for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues" by Lindsey Biel and Nancy Peske

"The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz

If we do our best to understand why C acts the way he does sometimes, and do our best to provide these sensory exercises and outlets, hopefully we will begin to see more improvement and less meltdowns and out of control behavior.  It takes a lot in changing the way that we think about things, about traditional discipline methods, about shifting or stopping an activity that is not working or one in which C is not handling well, and being willing to try making a "Pillow Mountain" with him, or suggesting he do 30 jumping jacks at a time that seems inopportune.  But that's what we have to do sometimes . . . and I've found that when I take the time to do these things, it really does help.

It is still such a hard thing to deal with as a parent, but one of my friends encouraged me recently that perhaps I would be able to one day encourage another parent going through this with their child, and offer suggestions or ways to help them from what I am learning now.  This is a part of my story as "Mom to C" and I have to accept my role in this.  I am continuing to pray for God's strength each day to learn more about SPD, and ways in which I can help my son.

Choosing Not to Spend and Be Content

Since I started this blog last year and wrote the initial posts, I haven't posted any new entries.  I think I still go back and forth about whether to add my "thinking" entries to this blog or just have them on my family blog.  But anyway, tonight I had a lot on my mind, so I thought I would just write it out here.  I don't think anyone I know really reads this blog anyway, and if they do, that's fine too.  But this may not interest anyone but myself . . .

First, the title of this post is just the goal of my past week.  As a Christian, it should be one of my life goals . . . and it has been at times, just not lately. 

A little history . . . about 5 years ago my husband and I took the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class at our church.  At the time, we maybe had about $7,000 worth of credit card debt.  Most of it was from medical bills we couldn't pay in full.  Even with insurance, having each of our two children cost us generally $3,500 out of pocket for each one.  Some of it was from major car repairs we couldn't cover in full also.  We basically didn't make enough from our incomes to cover emergencies.  And the $1,000 emergency fund never was enough.  Plus, once the emergency fund is gone, then you have to work to rebuild it.  Without much income for anything extra, it takes a long time to rebuild.  My husband was already working a second job, and I was working more hours than I wanted to, with wanting to be as much of a full-time Mom as possible, and still work part time because our family's financial needs warrant that I do so just for our basic needs.  So, we figured out that we would be on the "slow track" of the Dave Ramsey plan and just not go into debt further, and continue paying all we could towards our debt.  By our calculations, it would mean we would have our debt paid off in about 4 years. 

Then comes June of 2010 . . . 3 years after our debt payoff plan started.  We were pretty close to on track.  There had been a few emergencies that came up, but we hadn't added much to our overall credit card debt.  I found out I was pregnant with surprise baby #3.  Here comes another $3,500 out of pocket . . . not once, but twice (I would have to pay the full deductible amounts twice because of my pregnancy crossing over the span of two calendar years).  Don't get me wrong, we were blessed at every turn, our every need being provided time after countless time.  We continued tithing, even when it didn't seem that we could.  Almost all of one of the deductibles was paid in full completely for us by a most generous person!  But that still left the other $3,500.  Also, emotionally, once I became pregnant I went through a bit of a depression.  Feeling as if "What is the point?" We followed this plan faithfully for 3 years, and now it's all going to be put right back into our debt pile with the new medical bills for the baby.  I became bitter at people that don't carry insurance, but are still seen and given treatment and have many babies but never pay a thing!  Here I am a responsible citizen paying for insurance, and still not able to pay the portion that is left for me to pay.  But I still faithfully pay on my hospital payment plan, so that the hospital is going to eventually get all of their money for the services they provided for me to have my baby.  I kind of gave up for the year I was pregnant, plus the 1st year of our new baby girl's life.  With the cost of formula and diapers, we weren't getting ahead, we were just surviving.  Making ends meet and paying the minimums on everything.  Also, to cope with my emotional non-well being of adjusting to having a third child, I allowed myself to say okay to more frivolous spending than I normally would've.  My husband and I went out to eat more when we had babysitters to watch the kids because I just really needed the break!  All of this was true, but also my focus wasn't on getting our debt paid down.

In the past 3 months, we had another major financial emergency.  We had lots of flooding into our house, and had to professionally have it fixed - twice!  The bills for these new relandscaping projects cost more than what we paid to have two of our children.  So, there we go even deeper into debt.  Plus I start worrying lately that my husband and I now have three children, and no significant amount of life insurance.  If something were to happen to either of us, or both of us, there is not enough to cover our mortgage!  We also don't have any retirement.  How is this possible that we are in such bad financial shape personally, and professionally I work to keep meticulous books for a company that pays all their bills on time and has virtually no debt.  Much in part to my planning and careful financial attention to detail.  I have the skills and knowledge on how to do this, I just have never thought we've had the income to do anything about it.  And most of the time, that has been true.

However, just recently my husband was given an opportunity for a profit sharing bonus to be earned off the company's monthly profit.  This is wonderful news, as he hasn't had a raise in the past 3 years.  We never know what this amount will be, but we plan to put all of it towards our debt.  However, the first couple months, we get excited about it and spend it more frivolously than we should on things we could've waited on.  We had the money, didn't go any deeper into debt, but didn't come out any further out of debt either.

We have been trying to teach our children that they can't get a toy every time we go to the store.  We have been successfully teaching and implementing this for the past couple years with them.  They must earn to the top of their chore/behavior charts before they earn money, and then they can choose how to spend the money (with our guidance, teaching them how to tithe also).  So, we often tell them that we don't have the money to get them more toys, and that they have to save their money to get them.

Well, this week I realized that I want to implement the principle I have been teaching them.  Before I get any more toys, I want to take care of the things that matter most.  I want to have a good life insurance plan in place.  I want to start saving for retirement.  And I want to get our debt paid off.  I still feel like we'll never get it paid off, because there will always be emergencies that we can't pay off.  But if we really, really focus on choosing not to spend and be content with all that we already have, I bet it would go a lot faster than I think. 

So, all of this long, long, rambling post to say that I am Choosing Not to Spend and Be Content with what I have, so that we can make a significant dent in our debt and get it paid off, be responsible and protect our children with a decent life insurance policy, and start saving for our retirement.  I am praying for God's strength to teach me this lesson daily.

"Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.  I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything.  I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.  For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:11-13

Teach Them To Your Children

"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the Lord swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth." - Deuteronomy 11:18-21

I have been so frustrated lately with being a mom . . . I love my children, but I just haven't LIKED them very much.  I think all parents can relate, although they might not ever admit this.  The day in and day out of parenting can really wear you down.  I don't know how parents do it without the love and strength of Jesus behind them, guiding them through His Word in the way they should go.  I know I certainly depend on Him sometimes moment by moment in my parenting challenges and struggles.  I have to keep reminding myself that there is a reason I am teaching my children these things . . . not just to do right because they should and that is what is expected, but because that is what God commands us to do, so that our days, their days will by MANY.  I have to remember that these kids have been entrusted to ME for only a short time, shorter than I even realize now.  I can't give up on teaching them God's words and commands.  It is my main JOB to teach them how to fix these words in their hearts and minds, to talk about them when we sit at home and when we walk along the road, and when we lie down and when we get up . . . ALL THE TIME!  I also should WRITE them in our house to be seen by myself and my kids.  Our church is doing a church-wide study on the basics of being a Christian and walking with the Savior.  One way to do that is by memorizing verses in the Bible.  This is so much harder for me to do as an adult!  Other people who wrote the study must've known this fact, as they gave each person scriptures written out on cards and with a stand up placard to put them in front of us, where we would see them the most to remember them.  It is a discipline I learned as a child, but must relearn and reteach myself to do as an adult.

My prayer is that as I continue to fix God's words in my own heart and mind, that I will be the mother that my children need me to be, so that they can grow in their understanding and knowledge of Him.  I know I am so far from the perfect mother, although I strive to do my best, but I know God forgives me for the many times I mess up, the times I let my frustration with the circumstances get the best of me, the times I say something I shouldn't have said to my kids, the times I don't say something that I should've said, . . . the list goes on.

Thank you, Lord, that You have given me Your Word, the Bible, to teach and instruct me in the way I should go.


"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." - Psalm 32:8

Depending on God Like Never Before

I am depending on God like I never have before. 

I'm at a new phase in my life, with the recent birth of our third child, a child we were not expecting in our own plans (but planned all along by God), my life has taken a different turn than I thought it would.  I am still adjusting to the newness of a new schedule with three children, the balancing act of it all.  Getting one child to school all day, one child to preschool, one child on a routine of feeding and napping and sleeping through the night, and going back to work part time, keeping up with a household and all the chores that entails, working on my relationship with my husband to keep my marriage going strong, prioritizing time to read my Bible and grow as a Christian, fitting in exercise to keep my body and mind in shape, and the list could go on and on and on!  Any other moms out there feel the same way I do with the never ending list?  In my every day lists in my head, on paper, on my calendar reminders on my phone that pop up at me to remind me 30 minutes before a doctor's appointment for someone in the family (otherwise I am afraid I would forget it if the reminder is any earlier than 30 minutes away.  I blame the post-pregnancy brain for my new increasing lack of memory at this time! . . . my complete dependence is on HIM, my SAVIOR, my LORD, my HELPER, my COMFORTER, my FRIEND.  He really does care about the "tiny trust steps" that you take each day in trusting in Him to get you through.  

Do you have a complete dependence on Him?  Do you desire a deeper dependence on Him?  I know I do.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." - Isaiah 26:3-4

TRUST ME

From "Jesus Calling", pg. 380, by Sarah Young

"TRUST ME with every fiber of your being!  What I can accomplish in and through you is proportional to how much you depend on Me.  One aspect of this is the degree to which you trust Me in a crisis or major decision.  Some people fail miserably here, while others are at their best in tough times.  Another aspect is even more telling: the constancy of your trust in Me.  People who rely on Me in the midst of adversity may forget about Me when life is flowing smoothly.  Difficult times can jolt you into awareness of your need for Me, whereas smooth sailing can lull you into the stupor of self-sufficiency.


I care as much about your tiny trust-steps through daily life as about your dramatic leaps of faith.  You may think that no one notices, but the One who is always beside you sees everything-and rejoices.  Consistently trusting in Me is vital to flourishing in My Presence.


Psalm 40:4; Psalm 56:3-4; Psalm 62:8; Isaiah 26:3-4"""""""""

I couldn't have said it any better.  Almost every sentence above stands out to me.  I looked up the verses from which this devotion was based above, and I am so encouraged.  It is very true that sometimes in the "easy" times of our lives, we don't depend on God as much as we should.  It's comforting to know that Jesus does care about our "tiny trust-steps through daily life" just as much as the "dramatic leaps of faith."  What tiny trust-steps am I taking in my life?

Why Start a New Blog?

It's amazing that I've gotten to this first post, as it has taken me nearly 2 hours just to set up the design and format of this new blog!  There is still so much more I want to do, but I figured I better get in a post, which is the whole purpose of a blog in the first place.  I will come back later (hopefully) to work some more with adding the things I want to add on the sidebars, more links, etc.  The other night I found one of my old journals.  I haven't written in a journal since before I had kids, and my oldest is now 7.  Somehow with the art of technology, I lost the art of writing.  I thought about taking it up again, but then after an hour of journaling the "old fashioned" way with pen and paper, my hand really hurt!  I decided I would try using the technology to my advantage and blog.  I have another blog I keep as a history for my family - special events we do, pictures, memories.  But I am starting this blog to journal my journey to a deeper dependence and trust in Jesus, my Lord and Savior.  I hope to share what's on my heart, "pour out your hearts to him" (Psalm 62:8).  It may not always be easy and it may not always be joyful.  But God is there for me and for everyone to depend on no matter what situation they are going through.  I happened to flip through a new devotional book I received for my birthday recently, "Jesus Calling - Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young, and found the perfect entry detailing my purpose in starting this new blog.  I will share this entry in my next post.